“Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep'. In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”

Posts tagged ‘drugs’

Divorce is Good, Meth is Better!

Well, being divorced twice by the time you turn twenty-three can make you realize a few things. One, divorce is a wonderful tool when you have absolutely no idea what marriage is about. Two, misinformed spouses are never there for you; but equally miserable friends are.. Three, equally miserable friends can be your closest companions; especially if they have good connections.
Well, lets take an intermission……See, after the divorce (2nd) I had written off relationships all together. So a relationship with roommates and beer, beer, beer would be much better. The mother of my sons was pulling half of my income in the form of child support, I wasn’t up for playing daddy, partying was much easier. Of course, man can not live on beer alone, for that he needs a drinking buddy or two. Don’t forget to add in the cost of living and well it just makes more sense to have roommates, like-minded who want to drink, work, drink. Well, there can be a lot of drama in those relationships too, an empty keg closes the curtain; time for a new scene.
Its Friday evening; I have a good job again, a little bit of money in my pocket, new drinking buddies, and a new roommate; heck of a time to make a bachelor pad.  A detailed cleaning the garage made plenty of room for a $300 pool table out of the local newspaper. Friday was getting late, so when someone stopped by and asked if we knew anyone looking for some meth, we had an answer… “hell yeah!” Like anything bad for you, it starts off small and always grows into something larger. I love the lyrics from Casting Crowns “Slow Fade,” ‘the journey from your mind into your hands, is shorter than you’re thinking, be CAREFUL when you think you stand, you just might be sinking.” So we agreed hey we can do this on Friday and Saturday nights, rest on Sunday, then back to work on Monday…..Too easy.
It wasn’t too long and I was lost in the dope game, addicted they say, dependent that is for sure. You know I’m going to let you in on something that few people would dare to admit. I could drink a beer, or smoke a joint, then hang out with my kids, I could even smoke a joint Sunday morning after getting drunk on Saturday and attend church on occasion. You know what though, on hard drugs, Cocaine, Methamphetamines, you don’t want to face anyone, your family, your children and especially God. You have entered into a realm of darkness that has no god in it, it is purely of evil, it reeks of hate, selfishness and disgust! It wasn’t too long and the new roommate was gone, I lost my job, now it was just stay high, avoid work, avoid society, welcome to hell!
Depression! How I just longed for something as simple as depression, hell I would take another divorce, another ‘somebodies doing me wrong song’ just not this, not a feeling of dependency on something so pointless, so worthless. I ran everyone off that year, lost my house to foreclosure, sold pretty much everything I had, lost the girl that kept me company through most of my struggle, face it life just sucked!
God though works in mysterious ways is the rumor. Christmas Day 2003 was the last day I purchased dope, instead of celebrating the Savior of the Worlds birth I would get high again. What a waste!!! I have always been somewhat intelligent, I had done the meth-math and realized that I could never accomplish more when I was high than when I was sober. I finally hit rock bottom, I couldn’t afford drugs anymore, so becoming sober was pretty easy. I was living in my grandmothers house, while she was living in a nursing home (wonderful grandson, right?). Rock bottom is a term we sometimes use, I hit this place where I just needed silence, peace. It was so bad, that I turned off all the lights in the house, went to the back bedroom, sat inside the closet and closed the door, I covered my ears, closed my eyes, just wished for total silence. I asked myself, what is the point, no one cares for you, this life is a friggin’ joke. With my eyes squeezed shut, surrounded in darkness, I could see a small light, a glimmer and a soothing voice saying “Michael, I have always been here with you, I will always be here for you.”
Overnight, God had delivered me from the snares of drug addiction, though many battles were still on the horizon. Soon, I would have the courage to enter back into God’s house, unashamed, forgiven, trusting that His will be done.

Some Years Are Diamonds!!

The first two years of marriage went by, so fast! I landed a decent paying job in Dallas, purchased a new Car, even purchased my first home. Almost one year if not to the date of Nathan being born, we were expecting again, the following June our son Preston would arrive. There were a lot of spiritual highs during this period, my new family attended church with our in-laws, Victory Tabernacle, a Pentecostal Church. The Holy Spirit worked with me greatly at this time, I had never been baptized when I was younger, so it was at this church that I finally made a public declaration of my faith. In this church I had an older lady tell me that I would have a wonderful ministry one day as she prayed over me. It was also in this place that God would speak to me, to my heart, to my mind, that well I had a responsibility in the ministry, some people refer to this as a calling. Me on the other hand, I said ‘Nope’ not this guy, here I am moving up in the world, doing good, acting right, isn’t that enough. Also, the ministry is so unrewarding, the pay is horrible, the hours are constant, your house always has to be clean, your children always have to behave well. God had the wrong man, this man was doing it his own way!
So after awhile, I started denying the holy-spirit at church, I would try to tune out the sermons. I would volunteer for overtime on Wednesdays so my presence would not be expected. I started drinking alcohol on a daily basis, started finding reasons to dislike the church. This would lead me back to doing drugs, not being an attentive father (our in-laws lived three doors down, so they did most of the child-watching). It was simple, wake-up, go to work for as long as possible, come home, smoke some pot, snort some coke, drink some beer. Why? Because that was proof that I was not supposed to be a minister! Well, let me tell you what it did prove, that our young marriage was on the rocks, we would seek out pleasures of the world instead of seeking out direction from our God. I came home a little early one day, was instructed to go to the local park to find……well to be crushed again, to realize my marriage had become a hoax, it was pointless, it was over! 3 1/2 years from the beginning to the end, for Christmas that year 1998, I got a divorce.
Well, you cannot be divorced and be in the ministry anyway, so I had won that fight, God would have to hire someone else. Honestly, I was a wreck, hated my friends, hated my ex-wife, hated my job, hated my life. I stopped doing drugs and just stuck to drinking or hanging out with friends at the bar, but mostly I would sit alone and drink patiently waiting for the alarm clock to scream at me again, to make it another day at work.
Now there are a million things that could have changed these problems, but there is only ONE that would have. That would be at almost any point me just giving 100% to God, that would have to wait. As the river carried my carcass along until I washed up on the shore of another failure, I would remain hollow and harden my heart that much more.

Mitchell Lewis

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“Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep'. In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”

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