“Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep'. In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”

Some Years Are Diamonds!!

The first two years of marriage went by, so fast! I landed a decent paying job in Dallas, purchased a new Car, even purchased my first home. Almost one year if not to the date of Nathan being born, we were expecting again, the following June our son Preston would arrive. There were a lot of spiritual highs during this period, my new family attended church with our in-laws, Victory Tabernacle, a Pentecostal Church. The Holy Spirit worked with me greatly at this time, I had never been baptized when I was younger, so it was at this church that I finally made a public declaration of my faith. In this church I had an older lady tell me that I would have a wonderful ministry one day as she prayed over me. It was also in this place that God would speak to me, to my heart, to my mind, that well I had a responsibility in the ministry, some people refer to this as a calling. Me on the other hand, I said ‘Nope’ not this guy, here I am moving up in the world, doing good, acting right, isn’t that enough. Also, the ministry is so unrewarding, the pay is horrible, the hours are constant, your house always has to be clean, your children always have to behave well. God had the wrong man, this man was doing it his own way!
So after awhile, I started denying the holy-spirit at church, I would try to tune out the sermons. I would volunteer for overtime on Wednesdays so my presence would not be expected. I started drinking alcohol on a daily basis, started finding reasons to dislike the church. This would lead me back to doing drugs, not being an attentive father (our in-laws lived three doors down, so they did most of the child-watching). It was simple, wake-up, go to work for as long as possible, come home, smoke some pot, snort some coke, drink some beer. Why? Because that was proof that I was not supposed to be a minister! Well, let me tell you what it did prove, that our young marriage was on the rocks, we would seek out pleasures of the world instead of seeking out direction from our God. I came home a little early one day, was instructed to go to the local park to find……well to be crushed again, to realize my marriage had become a hoax, it was pointless, it was over! 3 1/2 years from the beginning to the end, for Christmas that year 1998, I got a divorce.
Well, you cannot be divorced and be in the ministry anyway, so I had won that fight, God would have to hire someone else. Honestly, I was a wreck, hated my friends, hated my ex-wife, hated my job, hated my life. I stopped doing drugs and just stuck to drinking or hanging out with friends at the bar, but mostly I would sit alone and drink patiently waiting for the alarm clock to scream at me again, to make it another day at work.
Now there are a million things that could have changed these problems, but there is only ONE that would have. That would be at almost any point me just giving 100% to God, that would have to wait. As the river carried my carcass along until I washed up on the shore of another failure, I would remain hollow and harden my heart that much more.

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Comments on: "Some Years Are Diamonds!!" (1)

  1. Michael, I can’t tell you enough how proud I am that you are putting this out there for all to read. I pray that this will help to heal you as it does for me.

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Mitchell Lewis

Formerly ... a Christian pastor in Caesar's army

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“Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep'. In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”

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