I am 33 years old and for the first 28 years of my life I was misinformed. That’s putting it nicely, in reality I was lied to but never intentionally. I was baptized when I was born because my parents being Catholic believed that this is how they would guarantee that I would get into heaven. When I was younger I knew about God, that his son died for us, that Noah built the ark, and about Adam and Eve. That was about the extent of my knowledge, I only knew this because my preschool and kindergarten were church based. I was not raised in a God-fearing home but I, like my parents, and so many other Catholics thought that because I was baptized and was a good person I was saved and guaranteed to spend eternity in heaven. It wasn’t until May 2008 that I can begun to know differently. Who would’ve thought that on that Mother’s Day weekend I would learn so much from a soldier home on leave?Well that’s not entirely true either. I learned a couple things but most importantly a seed and a question had been planted. It slowly started to take root and a few months later when that same soldier came home on leave again and we started to talk a lot more that little seed he planted began to sprout. It grew into a small but straight stalk but it was cared for sporadically and when times got really rough, but it didn’t wither, it continued to hang on. Turned out, that little stalk that many thought was weak and wouldn’t last was hardy and just a little bit of a late bloomer.
My life before I truly found God was no where near the best. The years before were like a bad movie on The Lifetime Network at 3am
. I went from one bad relationship to the next; sex, drugs, and alcohol played such a major part in it. Even though I tried to be a good person I was not doing good things and I was as far from God as a person could be but I knew what I was doing was wrong and I wanted to be better.
In January of 2008 I hit rock bottom. I had recently separated from my boyfriend at the time; who really wasn’t much to speak of but I still cared for him greatly. A friend came over after work on a night that when I was really upset over my “loss” and we were drinking. After too many drinks I began to feel funny and sick so I went to my bed alone. I woke up a few hours later to him on top of me. I tried to push him away and said no but I couldn’t get my arms to work correctly. The next day he acted like it wasn’t a big deal but it was. It was rape plain and simple. I could barely get myself out of bed each day and struggled with the whole thing and my trust issues grew more. Weeks later I learned that I was pregnant. I kept it to myself and tried to decide what I was going to do. I wish I had spoken up to someone because if I had I would not have murdered my child. I wanted to die but because of my daughter I chose not to. At the time I thought why kill 3 lives by ending mine, if I just aborted the child in my womb I would only be ending that single life. Little did I know that I would end up killing a part of me also, which made me be a less than great mother to my daughter. That decision haunts me to this day but eventually through God it will hurt not as much.
Because of that seed I started to read more of the bible and was thirsty for knowledge of God. When years later the soldier started to get back where he was needing to be with God and we talked more about it the stalk grew stronger.
The night came where we started to really talk about forgiveness and how abortion can be forgiven. That night I got down on my knees and prayed and asked for forgiveness like I never had before and I accepted Jesus into my heart and then I felt a peace envelop me. Less than a week later my mother received a call from my brother in law that my sister had tried to kill herself. For years she has been addicted to Vicodin and used it to make herself feel better. That day she walked down the stairs and no one acknowledged her and the thought that no one would miss her stayed with her the whole day. Later that day she took a bunch of pills and he found her passed out on the kitchen floor. My sister is selfish and weak but she is still my sister and I love her. I felt called to save her and on the advice of the soldier I sat down and started to write her a letter. Two Sundays later I heard a sermon that said you can not save someone unless you yourself are saved. That thought stuck with me. Talking again with the soldier I was told that you have to be baptized in the water to be truly saved. A lot more of researching on my own I found this to be true so after praying daily I am ready to fully accept God and to start living my life daily for him. I hope that I will be able to do great works for him but if I’m just meant to serve I will be content in the knowledge that I will now spend eternity in heaven.
That soldier was Michael Lambert who is also the creator and driving force of 2nd Life Ministries. He has been of of the greatest friends I have ever been blessed with and if it wasn’t for him I would never have gotten to where I am now.